P-Dub–Days 5 & 6

Hospital and First Days-0240

I do not know how many of you know this, but I wanted to share it here.  If you do already know this story, my apologies.

I want to share the story of how Paul came to be.  The clean version haha.  I mean we all know where babies come from right? ;o)  What I want to share is how Neil and I opened our hearts to what God wanted to do in our lives and how this little blessing was the result.

To be honest, after our son Stephen (our second) was born, I would have been quite happy to not have anymore children.  He was a high maintenance baby who never slept to put it lightly.  He was a lot of work, and life was anything but easy.  Today he is an adorably hilarious joy in all our lives and worth every challenge, but my bloodshot eyes at the time couldn’t see past the next two hour stretch of sleep (if I was lucky).  On top of these challenges, I was having a hard time recovering and dealing with postpartum depression.  I also had a new problem.  A pesky pain in my right foot cropped up, and started getting worse.  We found out that the pain was coming from a mass wedged between my foot bones, though thankfully a biopsy revealed it was benign.  Given all of these circumstances, I was rather pleased with our being cautious to avoid pregnancy.  Then I heard His calling.

Now, when people say they heard God calling to them, it likely wasn’t audible.  Not to say that couldn’t happen I guess, but God speaks in the still small voice that we call our conscious.

And after the earthquake a fire; but the LORD was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice.  { 1 Kings 19:12 }

It will often warn us not to do something that is wrong.  It can also be that idea that pops in  (and stays in) our heads, but we aren’t quite sure where it came from.  It is not anything we would have come up with on our own, and sometimes the idea even goes against every grain of our being.  That’s how it spoke to me.

My heart kept telling me over and over again that I needed to trust.  I needed to trust God with our family planning.  I needed to trust His plans for my life.  I can’t really explain it, but it felt like trying to control when we would or would not conceive was the opposite of what we should be doing, even though that was exactly what I wanted to do.  Now let me say this:  I do not think it is wrong to family plan.  I think God calls different folks to different paths in life.  For me, I felt He was calling me to trust Him in this area.  I felt like He was calling me to demonstrate my trust by action.  It’s one thing to confess trust, but another entirely to step out in faith and do it.

I knew when I shared this with Neil, he would know what we should do. I actually delayed talking to him, because I did not want this idea to be entertained.  When I finally shared how I was feeling, I quickly learned I needed to submit to trusting.  He looked at me and said he had been feeling called to do the exact same thing.  I had confirmation that not only was God speaking to my heart, but He was speaking to my husband’s as well.  We had to do this.  Best to be inside God’s will than out of it.

The only thing that made this easy was the truth that His plans are best.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” { Jeremiah 29:11 }

I know that He has better blessings planned for me than I could ever dream up on my own.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us  { Ephesians 3:20 }

Everything else about it was hard.  Especially becoming pregnant.  It took a while to wrap my mind around it.  It was mentally hard to find out I was pregnant when Stephen was only ten months old.  I mean he was still waking up many nights, I was still struggling  with my foot issues (still am actually), and I was just starting to feel like myself again after the postpartum stuff.  However, I chose trust and laid all my worries, daily, at His feet.

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.  { 1 Peter 5:7 }

What I found in trusting Him, was an overabundance of blessings.  The pregnancy was my easiest to date.  The pain in my foot went away for the entire pregnancy, labor and delivery was good, and we were given a beautiful, healthy boy.  He is so sweet and such an easy-going baby.  The best way to sum up him coming into our lives are words I read from Instagram user @joyprouty after she had her fourth child.  She said,

The only word I can come up with for this feeling is ‘miracle.’ A miracle to withstand the pain God gives us and promises we are able to bear.  A miracle to see a person come out of your body that is just only yours.  And miraculous how that person is exactly who you never knew you needed to fit right into the empty place in your heart . . . overwhelming.

Yep.  That pretty much sums it up.  He knew exactly what I needed, and I am ever thankful we were obedient to His call so we did not have to miss out on this miracle.

You can view photos from day 4 of life here.

You can view more photos from day 5 of life here.

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5 thoughts on “P-Dub–Days 5 & 6

  1. Love, love, love this post and your Baby Paul blog! I didn’t see this before we got together today. Such beautiful and insightful thoughts. And I have to say, I’m liking your baby photos even better than Anne Geddes, and I love her work. You seriously have an amazing God-given talent! So thankful that we got to spend time together today! Your friendship is truly a blessing!

    1. Wow! That’s a HUGE compliment friend! Thanks so much! Don’t think I could EVER be Anne ;o) And I was thinking the other day how we never did family photos of your family and how we still need to! For real! Maybe in August?

      1. I may be a little biased because you’re my friend :), but definitely not sugar coating…some of these Paul pics are really first-rate! I would love to do family pictures!

  2. Wonderful to read your thoughts on the process our precious God takes you through. When I was in a similar position in life and realized through scripture that when God blessed a nation, he blessed them with children and when they were cursed, they were barren. God believes in children and our ability to raise them for Him. You’re right! Trust is the key.

    1. Thank you for your sweet comment! Sorry I am just seeing it. What a great insight you have. Taking one step at a time and trying to keep trusting, especially in the tough moments. God bless you!

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